Drunk at the back of the limo

Well Well Well, I got a good one for you guys tonight. It has a mixture of nearly everything you could believe for a fun night. Just for the record (for those who don’t know, I am still in my leg cast and no longer in my neck sling thank GOD! I look only half way retarded any time I leave my forsaken house now.

Anyways onto my story…

It all started Saturday night when I got invited out to my neighbor’s birthday party. He is 55 years old so I figured ah what the hey, might as well as mix in a few alcoholic drinks with my pain meds right? Because that is really good for you (Kidding).

So I went out to the get together. It was a good time. Having drinks, eating Mexican food, boy o boy what a mixture by the way.

It was a good time. All of our friends were there and getting a little more tipsy as the night went on. We had already been there long enough to get 2 margaritas in a piece, and trust me at this restaurant 2 margaritas is plenty to knock you on your behind. You do the math when you add in a few hydros to the mix. Not good…Not good at all.

Somewhere in the mix of all the conversations someone brought up a great idea to get a limo for the night. Seemed to be a pretty good idea huh? Lucky for everyone around us I know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who has a limo.  So I looked up VIP Limo in Rowlett and sure enough… I FOUND HIM. Go figure huh. I hadn’t spoken with him in a few years and I was too far from the name of his company, Rowlett VIP Limo.

ANYWAYS, long story short he was able to hook us up with a GREAT DEAL last minute and before we knew it we were at some bar in Dallas and having a great time singing karaoke and taking fireball shots..

Yes shots and shots and shots. The thought of the flash back makes me sick in itself. Well before we knew after that I got back in the limo and were making our way back to our cars.

Ill have you know that being in the back of the limo isn’t the best spot when you are very drunk and on pain meds. You catch every single little bump and swerve and movement on the road possible. This is exactly why I threw up. Everywhere. Inside my shirt. On the floor. On the girl next to me. On the outside of the limo. You name it I hit it.

It was horrible. It was the longest ride back EVER.

Not to mention my drunkenness didn’t exactly relieve the pain on my fractured leg.

It was awful.

Everyone was running away from me like the black plague (rightly so). I felt horrible because the trip was awesome until that part.

We were all having a blast and nobody else got sick on the trip but me L

But the good part is that I survived and learned my lesson.

Don’t get drunk when you are on pan meds in your buddies limo. Especially when he let us rent it for practically nothing at all.

Dogs Anonymous

This one is for all you dog lovers out there.

I have always loved dogs, and I have three of my own. With that being said, not all dogs are created equal. Just like humans, if they are raised in the wrong whereabouts under the wrong supervision it could lead them down the wrong road,

Unfortunately I ran into one of these misfits and I about saw a girl (my neighbor) and her dog get seriously hurt. Wondering what happened? Let me tell you.

To set the story straight, recently near my neighborhood there have been multiple dog attacks. And these attacks aren’t just some little weeny hump your leg and nibble on your shoe lace strings. I’m talking like making one man go blind and another one with multiple dead pets.

Yeah pretty fierce huh? What kinda beast could do this? This beast is one that all of the neighborhood kids would be scared of on sandlot. One who swallows everything you throw over the fence. One who rams the fence and tries to charge you.

This beast was a pitbull and not just a fighting pitbull but also one that has been drugged with muscle enhancing pills.

So let me get down to it.

It all started when I heard my neighbor outside scream bloody murder. I immediately grabbed my bat and ran outside to see a ruthless pitbull attacking and his owner right up the street egging him on.

Before I could swing and try to take his head off my neighbors dog, Jasper, made a snarling growl and scared off this big bad “beast”. I called the cops immediately and gave them all the information to the best of my knowledge.

They were glad to hear from me because they had been trying to find the dynamic duo for the past few weeks.

They reported back in about half and hour and had let us know that they had found they man in his van right up the street. Want to know what was in the van?

5 of these freaking man eating souped up beasts. He had been training them for fighting and had attacked multiple people and there dogs.

Cops took him to jail and took care of all the dogs. Luckily he got charged with attempt of manslaughter due to the one guy who was still in the hospital and treating his injuries.

This guy would literally just roll up the random people and tell his dogs to sic em and I guess that was his training. I mean who does that?

Someone one drugs.

Cops didn’t find any drugs on him but didn’t say if he was under the influence or anything like that.

I’m just glad the girl next door is safe and her fluffy cool dog is safe and sound.

I hope you guys enjoyed this little story I just thought is was worthy of a blog post.. I wish you guys could have seen me running out there. More so hop out there. I must remind you I am still in a full cast and a neck sling.. Laughing at that picture yet? lol

I hope you got a laugh out of it. And also learned that not all dogs are the same. Some are beasts and some are just trying to be beasts but at the end of the day are little girls and get scared off by a fluffy puppy. Okay im done. Goodbye.


So when should you hire a professional?

Let me take you through one of my most recent awesome moments in my life regarding me thinking I can do it all on my own every time.

SO have a pretty large house, and a majority of it is paneling. It really needed a paint job to say the least.. With me being who I am I start looking at the best ways to attack a painting project of this size. I ran across a ton of new gadgets that I actually did end up buying, thinking they would actually help, and they did! Until I got to the harder parts of the house.

I was hustling and making great time on the paint job (at least in my mind) and then… Bum Bum Bum… My freaking foot slipped off of the ladder. Yeah, crazy I know and no I didn’t die (luckily). Lucky for me it was only an 8 foot ladder and not a 12 footer. Also I was fortunate enough to fall on my nice plush grass, in which I was recently stated my own spring treatment on as well.

So here I am, laying on the ground, looking like an 80 year old man moaning and groaning, tossing and turning in my very own front yard. What a site my neighbors must have had huh? Hopefully for their sake they actually didn’t see me fall because no one definitely didn’t come to the rescue.

I know what you’re thinking, did you finish the paint job? The answer is technically YES. No I didn’t do it myself but I actually did hire Billy Faulkner to come finish the job. I still think he felt bad for me with the price he gave me but I can’t complain. I wonder if it was my neck stabilizer that did it? Or maybe the cast on my leg?

Yep, I am jacked up lol. I nearly broke my neck and also fractured my leg. Ouch right? Yeah no fun. I definitely learned my lesson. Don’t take on DIY projects that involve a ladder, slippery paint and a 2 storied project.

Everyone at the hospital couldn’t believe that I was able to actually drive myself to the hospital. They don’t know who I am though. Brought up and raised a freaking MAN. You aren’t considered injured ever and are never too sick to work.

They also couldn’t believe my awesome story. “Slipped off the ladder and onto the grass, yep pretty crazy doc.”

Man I would pay money to anyone who had a video of it. I am pretty sure I blacked out…Twice..I am also half way positive that I was laying in my yard for a good hour before I made any real movements. This is why I don’t believe anyone freaking saw me laying there? Maybe my neighbors just don’t like me… Idk..

Whatever the case is, I am just glad I am alive and feeling somewhat decent. The neck sling and full leg cast isn’t too bad and as of late it has helped me find my way with the ladies at work (yes I have still been going to work).

For those wondering why how long it took me to finish the paint job (or Billy in this case) I still got in contact with him the same day and it stayed a 1 day task. No time for excuses. The job needed to be completed, no if ands or buts.

Anyways I hope yall enjoyed my story I figured Id start a blog again now that I can’t really do too much with my time. Feel free to leave a comment and tell me how awesome it was. Stay tuned for bigger and better stories.